the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Everyone says I win the strip club
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
