The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
