it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
