Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
