Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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