ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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