dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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