Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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