Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
