best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
