I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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