FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
