the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
