I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
