That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
