Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
