I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need a beard to bite.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
