Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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