Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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