remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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