The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
