Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
