ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
