That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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