No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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