Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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