We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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