I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
