And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
