Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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