do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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