help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
