worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
