Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
