im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
