I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
