I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
