That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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