i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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