"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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