I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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