in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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