He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
