I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
