i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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