Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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