Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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