Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
