I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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