Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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