yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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