even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
