What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
