why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
