im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
