help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
