So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
