The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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