i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
