I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
