Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize