is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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